SH03 - Whoops! Someone Is On Our Case Read online

  “We’re going out tomorrow night.”

  “Good for you, Charlie.” Susan was genuinely pleased for him.

  “Yeah, well done, mate.” Neil slapped him on the back.

  “Incidentally, I bumped into our new neighbour on the way upstairs,” Susan said. “Her name is Faze; she seems nice enough.”

  “I wouldn’t bet on it.” Dorothy sneered as she walked over to the kitchen, and poured herself a glass of wine.

  “Have you already met her, then, Dorothy?”

  “Neil gave her a lift into town this morning. I thought she was a bit shifty.”

  “Why do you say that?” Susan was beginning to wonder if Dorothy liked anyone.

  “Call it intuition if you like, but my instincts are usually spot on.” Dorothy took a long drink. “And besides, anyone who wears a catsuit is suspect in my book.”

  “I asked her to come down here for a drink.”

  “You did what?” Dorothy almost spat out the wine.

  “She said she’d like to meet her neighbours, so I thought it would be a nice gesture.”

  “When is she coming?”

  “She said she’d be down in about thirty minutes.”

  Dorothy grabbed her coat and handbag. “I’m off out.”

  “Where are you going?” Susan called after her.

  “I promised I’d meet Molly for a drink.”

  “Sorry, I have to go too. I said I’d go around to—err—Trevor’s.” Neil followed Dorothy out of the door.

  “Charlie?” Susan looked at her remaining flatmate.

  “Sorry, Susan, but I said I’d go to see my mum tonight.”

  Moments later, Susan was by herself in the apartment.

  Faze arrived twenty minutes later.

  “Hi, come on in.”

  “I brought this.” Faze passed Susan a bottle of wine.

  “Thanks.”

  “It was kind of you to invite me down here. Where are the others?”

  “It’s just me, I’m afraid. I thought you’d be able to meet them, but Dorothy has gone out with her colleague from work, Neil is meeting one of his friends, and Charlie has gone to his mum’s.”

  “Never mind. More wine for you and me.”

  The two women settled down in the lounge with a glass of wine.

  “What is it you do, Faze?”

  “It’s difficult to explain. I suppose you could call it law enforcement.”

  “Police?”

  “Not exactly, but that sort of thing.”

  “Have you always lived in Washbridge?”

  “No. I’ve spent most of my life in—err—up north.”

  “I’ve only recently moved back to Washbridge myself. I was in London for several years.”

  “What do you do, Susan?”

  “I work at The Bugle as an investigative reporter.”

  “Nice. Are you working on anything interesting at the moment?”

  “Not really. Apart from a story about people being snatched off the street, and taken to a parallel paranormal world.”

  “What?” Faze almost choked on her wine.

  “Only joking.” Susan laughed. “I’m actually working on a few stories at the moment. One of them relates to the unusually high number of missing persons in Washbridge. According to two of the people I’ve interviewed, the missing people were taken back to a supernatural world by some kind of enforcers. What was it they called them? Rogue retainers or something like that. Crazy eh?”

  Faze stood up. “Sorry, I’ve just remembered that I promised I’d go and see my—err—brother tonight.” She started for the door. “I’m really sorry.”

  Susan watched in total disbelief as Faze hurried out of the apartment. Maybe it was time to change her deodorant.

  Chapter 12

  The next morning, Charlie was sitting on his bed, whistling. He was feeling on top of the world, and couldn’t wait until his date with Jade.

  “Do you have to make that infernal noise?” Bunty’s voice came through the microphone.

  “Sorry. I’m just feeling really pleased with life this morning.”

  “You wouldn’t be if someone had destroyed your home,” she said, without looking up from the brochure she was reading.

  “I’ve said I’m sorry. It won’t be long now until your new houses arrive.”

  “I assume you’ll be paying to replace the furniture you damaged, too?”

  “I—err—yeah. Of course.”

  “Good. I’ve picked out most of the pieces I need. I’ll order them later today, and let you have the bill, shall I?”

  “Will it be expensive?”

  “You should be grateful that we aren’t billing you for the distress caused.” With that, she disappeared back into the matchbox.

  Moments later, Greta appeared. “Morning, Charlie. Why did you stop whistling? I thought it was a lovely tune.”

  “Bunty didn’t like it.”

  “Take no notice of her; she’s a misery guts.”

  “I have a date tonight, Greta.”

  “Good for you. Who’s the lucky lady? Is it that young woman from upstairs?”

  “Amelia? No. It turned out that she and I aren’t compatible. I’m going for dinner with a beautiful young woman named Jade. She’s a human.”

  “I’m thrilled for you. Have you dated a human before?”

  “No. This is the first time.”

  “It’ll be fine, Charlie. She’s bound to love you.”

  “Give me a break.” Bunty was back. “You two make me want to chuck up. Where are you taking Jade for dinner?”

  “I’ve booked a table at the High Wash Hotel.”

  “That’s more like it. I assume you’ve booked a room too. For afters?”

  “Bunty!” Greta scolded. “Charlie isn’t like that.”

  “Of course he is. He’s a man, isn’t he?”

  “I wouldn’t dream of doing anything like that,” Charlie said.

  “I despair of you.” Bunty sighed, and then disappeared back into the matchbox.

  “Take no notice of her, Charlie.”

  “I won’t. By the way, have you picked out the furniture you need?”

  “Sorry?”

  “To replace that which I smashed.”

  “There’s no need. I’ve only lost a few things, and to be honest, they were all ready for scrapping.”

  “Are you sure? Bunty said she had quite a list of things that needed to be replaced.”

  “I don’t see how. If anything, she lost less than I did.”

  “She was looking through a brochure just now.”

  “So that’s why she had the FairyLiving brochure. I should have known. She’s trying to take advantage of you. That’s the most expensive fairy furniture shop in Candlefield.”

  “Do you think I should say something to her?”

  “Leave it with me, Charlie. Let me find out what she’s up to.”

  “Okay. Thanks.”

  “My pleasure. Good luck with your date.”

  ***

  “Look at you, Charlie,” Neil said. “Are you off to a wedding?”

  “It’s my date with Jade tonight. I won’t have time to come home and get changed after work. Do you think it’s too much?”

  “Nah, I’m only kidding. You’ll knock her dead. Where are you taking her?”

  “The HighWash Hotel.”

  “I hope you’ve booked a room.”

  “No, I—err”

  “I’m only messing with you. I know it wouldn’t occur to you to do that. Anyway, I’m glad I’ve caught you. Will you do me a favour?”

  “I’m not sure I should. Not after the way you tried to rip us all off.”

  “Come on, Charlie. I was going to give you your money back. You know that.”

  “Hmm? What do you want?”

  “Follow me.” Neil led the way into his bedroom. “I’ve been practising a trick with Socky. I’d like you to watch it in action, so I can get your feedback.”

  “Will i
t take long? I’m hungry.”

  “No. Just a couple of minutes.”

  “Okay, then.”

  “Great, thanks. Socky, come over here, would you?”

  “I do wish you’d call me Tobias,” the ghost complained.

  “Sorry.” Neil turned to Charlie. “You can’t see Sock—err—I mean Tobias, can you?”

  “You know I can’t.”

  “Good. Okay, here goes.” Neil picked up a small vase, and passed it to the ghost. “What do you see, Charlie?”

  “A vase floating around the room.”

  “Great. That’s what I was hoping for. Go around a couple more times, would you, Tobias?”

  The ghost did as he was asked, but halfway through the final circuit, Charlie called out, “It’s disappeared.”

  “What do you mean?” Neil said.

  “The vase. It’s gone.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure.”

  “That’s a pity. I thought because Socky was carrying the vase that it would remain visible, but it seems that it becomes invisible after so long. That’s useful to know. I’ll have to watch my timing when I perform this trick. It looks like I can only afford to allow Tobias to do one circuit with the object. Thanks, Charlie.”

  ***

  The four flatmates were all eating breakfast. Charlie and Susan were in the kitchen; Neil and Dorothy were in the lounge.

  “Did you enjoy your soiree with Laze, Susan?” Dorothy said while chewing on a cereal bar.

  “Her name is Faze. She was only here for a few minutes when she remembered she was meant to be seeing her brother.”

  The others exchanged a glance.

  “Did she have anything interesting to say?” Neil asked.

  “Not really. I told her about the missing persons story I’m working on. You remember, the one where their partners claim that the person has been taken back to the supernatural world. That’s when Faze remembered her brother and left.”

  “Did she mention us?” Charlie asked.

  “Only that she thought you’d all be here.”

  “Nothing else?”

  “No. She did tell me that she worked in law enforcement. Not the police, so I guess it must be some kind of private security company.” Susan turned to Charlie. “Is that all you’re having for breakfast?”

  He finished chewing the apple in his mouth. “I daren’t have anything else in case I spill something on these clothes.”

  “You look really good.” Susan nodded her approval. “You’ll knock Jade dead.”

  “I’m terrified already.”

  “You’ll be fine. Will you ask Jade to come to the supernatural ball this weekend?”

  “I—err—I think she might be busy.”

  “You should definitely ask her. The more the merrier.”

  After Susan had left for work, Charlie joined the other two in the lounge.

  “I miss the good old days.” Dorothy sighed.

  “Before you got wrinkles and a double chin?” Neil quipped.

  “I do not have wrinkles, and I definitely don’t have a double chin.” She thumped Neil on the arm. “At least I’m not losing my hair.”

  “What?” Neil touched his forehead. “I’m not losing my hair either.”

  “Your temples must be getting bigger, then.” Charlie gave Dorothy a high five.

  “When I said, ‘the good old days’, I meant when the only people in this apartment block were sups,” Dorothy said. “Now, we have to put up with a human and a rogue retriever. We didn’t realise how good we used to have it.”

  ***

  After Neil had dropped her off, Dorothy called in at the pharmacy, which was a few doors down from the bookshop. She knew the assistants in there were both vampires.

  After a quick check to make sure there were no humans in the shop, she approached the counter.

  “Hi, do you have any Stop B-Urge?”

  “Sure,” the young female vampire said. “Which would you prefer: Liquid or tablets?”

  “Tablets, please.”

  The woman went through to the back of the shop, and returned a few minutes later with a small red packet. “Take one twice a day. That will be four pounds-fifty, please.”

  “Thanks.” Dorothy handed over the cash. “Do these really work?”

  “Definitely. I’ve taken them ever since I moved over here. If I hadn’t, the rogue retrievers would have had me banged up long ago, for sucking some poor human dry. Whatever you do, be careful that you don’t let them fall into human hands.”

  “What happens if a human takes these? Will they die?”

  “No, nothing as bad as that, but it will lay them out for a few hours.”

  “Okay. I’ll be careful, thanks.”

  Back on the street, Dorothy had only walked a few yards when someone called her name.

  “You?” She sighed.

  “Morning to you too, Dorothy.” Donny smiled. “Are you poorly?”

  “Sorry?”

  “I saw you coming out of the pharmacy.”

  “No, I was just buying stuff.”

  “Woman’s stuff? Say no more.”

  “Not woman’s stuff. Vampire’s stuff, if you must know.”

  “I sometimes forget you’re a vampire.”

  “I could always tear open your jugular—just as a reminder.” She flashed her fangs.

  “I love it when you talk dirty.”

  “Did you want something?”

  “I thought you might have changed your mind about going to the ball with me.”

  “I’d rather have a root canal.”

  “On the fence, then? Aren’t you coming to the shop for your usual bacon roll?”

  “I don’t have one every day.”

  “That’s strange because someone, who looks just like you, buys one every morning.”

  “Bye, Donny.”

  “Later, Dot.”

  “Have you changed your mind?” Molly asked when Dorothy walked into the shop.

  “About what?”

  “Going with Donny to the ball? I saw you talking to him.”

  “I wasn’t talking to him. He was accosting me.” She glanced around. “Are there any customers in?”

  “No.”

  “Good.” Dorothy took the packet of tablets out of her bag, and popped one out of the foil. “Make me a drink, would you?”

  “Since when did you need those?”

  “Since I tasted human blood, and had to share a flat with one of them. It’s either take these, or kill Susan. It wasn’t an easy choice, I can tell you.”

  Molly made them both a cup of tea, and checked the biscuit tin. “Did you eat the last of those ginger nuts?”

  “Me? No.”

  “Liar. It’s your turn to buy some.”

  “I’m stony broke. I had to pay to get the apartment painted. Speaking of which, that slime-ball, Neil, tried to rip us off again.”

  “What did he do this time?”

  “He took our money, supposedly to pay his mate to do the decorating. Then he tried to do it himself using magic.”

  “Tried?”

  “He is the worst wizard I’ve ever met, and trust me, I’ve seen some clowns. He ended up painting over all of the cupboards.”

  “What are you going to do now?”

  “Luckily, he remembered a spell that reversed it all. Lucky for him, that is. If he hadn’t, I really would have killed him.”

  “You can’t help but laugh at that guy.”

  “That wasn’t the only disaster last night. Susan invited the rogue retriever down for drinks.”

  “Oh boy.” Molly was in hysterics. “I sometimes think my life is a mess, but then I listen to you, and I realise how great I have it. What happened?”

  “Neil, me and Charlie cleared out before she arrived. From what Susan said, Laze, Faze or whatever her stupid name is, didn’t stay long. I think the human scared her away when she told her about one of the stories she’s covering.”

/>   “Which story?”

  “Missing persons. Susan doesn’t realise it, thank goodness, but this time she’s stumbled across a number of people who have had their partners snatched away by the rogue retrievers.”

  “Aren’t you worried she might put two and two together, and realise what’s going on?”

  “Susan? No chance. She’s a mere human, remember. Sups have been running rings around them for centuries.”

  ***

  Susan had arranged to meet Greg in Coffee Triangle. She didn’t need telling what instrument it was that day because the sound of the drums was deafening.

  “Hi!” Greg yelled to her from a table at the back of the room. “I’ve got you a drink.”

  Susan was already regretting their decision to meet there, and even more so when she spotted some idiot with a bass drum propped up on the table next to theirs.

  “I got you a small, skinny Cappuccino,” Greg said. “I hope I remembered correctly?”

  “You did, thanks. I hadn’t realised it was drum day. Have you seen that idiot with the giant drum?”

  “He brought that in with him. I’m sorely tempted to put my foot through it.”

  “Who is it we’re going to see today?”

  “A woman called Rita Mountpiece. Nice woman. I think you’ll like her.”

  “Is she as crazy as the other two I’ve spoken to?”

  He gave her a look.

  “Sorry. It’s the drums. They’re driving me mad.”

  “Do you want to get going?”

  She nodded.

  “That’s better.” Susan sighed, once they were outside. “I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it.”

  “Yes, you did.” He grinned.

  “Well, yes, but I still shouldn’t have said it.”

  “How’s work? Can I expect to see any more big stories with your byline?”

  “Not in the near future. I am working on one interesting lead, though.”

  “Can you talk about it?”

  “There isn’t much to tell yet. It’s possible that drug dealers may be using small, local shops as a cover to sell their wares. I visited a couple yesterday: a florist and a key-cutting shop. They’ve both seen a significant increase in trade.”

  “There must be more to it than that?”